Thursday, January 14, 2010

We Interrupt the Regularly Scheduled Post....

First, I would like to ask any of you who are squeamish, judgmental, non-entomologists, non-biologists, or who did not experience the following events in person via Skype or the phone to quit reading now.

Second, I would like to apologize to Mother Earth for all of my environmental transgressions over the past 2 hours (over abundant use of hot water, abundant use of chemicals, leaving doors open, wasting food).

Third, to God and my mom, please forgive the use of expletives that poured out of my mouth this afternoon.

Flies are a problem on Guam.  They are EVERYWHERE!  I have put up with them since we got here.  I have had fly strips and dealt with looking at them grow more and more saturated to the point I couldn't take it any more and had to throw them away.  I have killed them with Windex, I have squished them with coasters, I have swatted them with magazines and I have taken sadistic pleasure in drowning them.  I HATE THEM!  They gross me out.

It's just as bad outside.  Every time we try to eat outside (Thanksgiving), we are swarmed.  Every time I open the garbage can, I stand to the side to avoid them flying out at me.  I have had to, on several occassions, de-maggotize the garbage cans.  I do it, very prissily, with my pinky finger extended  blasting the inside of the can with the garden hose. Prancing around the can in circles avoid any maggots floating out onto my flip flop clad feet.

I have been thankful that the fly population inside our house has diminished somewhat because of Isabelle, our super star fly hunter.  I guess she missed one though....

Today, while Skyping with my folks and talking on the phone with a neighbor, I looked down and noticed a piece of rice crawling across my kitchen floor.  "Except," my brain suddenly notifies me, "rice doesn't crawl." Hmm, let me take a closer look.  Oh, yeah, that's not rice.  That's some kind of little white worm.  And he has a friend.  Oh, no he has several friends, pouring out from under the rug on my kitchen floor.  WHAT THE F***!!!!!

Suddenly, I am standing in the middle of a maggotfest, wearing flip flops!  Talking to someone (who thankfully just had two rats removed from her house, so hopefully can't be too judgey), as I run into the other room and ask my mother to please keep entertaining my son (who THANK GOD) is in his high chair eating lunch.  I don't know how to kill maggots when they are inside- so I tried: hot water, vinegar, clorox floor cleaner, Lysol- and guess what- not a damn thing worked!  I poured more water, sprayed more solution and ultimately threw down towels and just started stomping on the little bastards.  They still wouldn't die!

I finally just started smooshing them when I could (insert puke in mouth here) and sweeping up any I could find.  They seemed to be multiplying in front of my face.  But after the fifth seventh run through, I think I got them all.  But I can't seem to shake the feeling that something is crawling over my foot.

Hope you have a great day!


Kelly said...

This post gives me the gross-out shivers. Actually, it is still causing that.

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