Saturday, September 19, 2009

Reality Check

One of things that I struggle with when blogging is how much I should share. I use this blog to let family and friends know about our Guamanian Adventures, but it's also an outlet for me to vent, think "out loud," and clear my head. This is one of the head clearing posts...

I've started and stopped this particular entry about 4 times. Originally I was going to post about our Guam Bomb, but we got it when I was having a really bad day. Tuesday (which started off bad, but got better), followed by 2 days of rain, one car, crossed wires and cancelled plans led to me having a rough week. By Saturday, I was looking for a shovel to start digging myself out of the rut into which I had fallen.

I think this is the hardest time of a PCS. We've been here long enough to be mostly settled into our house ( as settled as we can be without having our stuff), so as I start to feel settled into my house, I guess I feel like everything else should start settling into place too. I feel like I should know my way around, the commissary should make sense, I should be (desperately wish to be) making friends.

Much of the blame (not sure if that's the best word, maybe problem is better?) falls on me. I am my own worst enemy! I had 4 chances to get out of the house last week and work on 2 big goals I have right now- meeting people and getting back in shape. But I was able to come up with an excuses 4 days in a row (some legitimate, some not so much) and never made it. I don't know what I am so afraid of and where this shyness comes from and why I am so afraid of rejection that I am scared to go to an exercise class for moms that is probably full of people like me- just trying to get in shape and get a life.

So, I've been praying (a little more than usual) for help to get over myself and get out the door and get going! No more excuses! I cannot sit around here waiting for a Welcome Wagon full of potential gal pals to show up at my doorstep.


shelly_finn said...

Terrell, I do know exactly how you feel.....I did not leave our house for weeks when we moved here. I wish that I was there with you. Part of me feels bad that we got to stay. :( But I know that it will get better for you. You are an excellent friend to have and I'm sure others will see that too. It took me months and months to get the nerve up to go to the gym here. Its almost funny. Love ya!

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